My friend was raped

[Jersey]

Yeah. You read right. A very good friend of mine was raped last month. She came to me on Monday and told me about it. I was the first person she told, because I'm one of the very few people she trusts. She hadn't even told her parents yet.

She dated this guy for a month. He was always asking her for sex, however she was a hardcore virgin and always refused him. But one day, he took matters into his own hands. He shoved her onto her bed, pinned her down, and painfully raped her. She told me she was telling him to stop over and over, but he wouldn't listen to her pleas. She cried that he was hurting her, and he only said that it was supposed to hurt. After he finished with her, he threatened her to keep her mouth shut and he left.

This was a month ago. Jen has been having a lot of trouble. She's frightened of a pregnancy; she's only 17. She was too scared to say anything to her parents or to anyone for that matter. When she came to me I told her that she needs to tell her parents. She said that she would.

She told me yesterday that she told her parents. Well, needless to say neither of them believe her. They told her that she must have asked for the sex, and that it was all her fault. To top it all off, her father warned her that if she got pregnant, he was going to kick her out of the house.

She spoke to me again today. Her mother has scheduled a medical exam to determine whether she is pregnant or not. Her father is going to give her a home pregnancy test tomorrow morning though. She told me if she falls pregnant she will keep the child. But to make things even worse, both parents told her that if she is pregnant she must get an abortion, and her father told her that if she carries the child to term and has it, he will kill it.

Her father has refused to report his daughters rape to the police, and he also told her not to report it either. I told her to do it anyway, but she can't get there on her own. I go to school rather far from her and it would'nt be possible for me to bring her.

I'm asking you guys to pray for Jen. Pray she doesn't fall pregnant, and for her recovery from her experience.

P.S. This is 100% true. Those who doubt her experience, please doubt no more. This really happened to her. I'll update tomorrow on the results of her test. I'm praying they indicate no pregnancy.

[jesusaurus]

Report it to the police

[Demona]

Wow, what a gentlemen that guy was! Seriously, he should be castrated, hung, and burned alive. Shame on the parents big time for treating their daughter like crap when she needs them most, it wasn't her fault he was a creep. If her father decides to kill it if she is pregnant, then he'll go to prison. I can't believe how people's families can turn on them. She needs to go to the police anyway, and if she's going to turn 18 soon, it's her decision anyway. I'm sure if worst comes to worst there are women's centers she can go to.

[Inattentive Guard]

That's just wrong. I can't believe people like that exist.

[fartinggurl]

That's terrible. I can't believe her parents are acting like that. She should report it to the police, which is what she should have done in the first place.

[grape]

First things first. She shouldn't be intimidated about reporting him, neither should her parents. And that's just a cruel thing about how her parents didn't believe her. Honestly, she needs to convince them and tell them it wasn't her fault. Your parents are supposed to help you in a situation like that, not ignore/deny it.

[Blastgirl]

I don't know anybody involved in this, but my feeling is her Parents have reacted badly but they probably do believe her and will come around. Some people have a hard time coping with the idea that their daughter was raped. (I have had three friends get raped.) And one had her Parents react somewhat similar to how Jersey's Friend's Parents are reacting.

They did come around shortly but they had a hard time thinking of their Daughter at first and their pride was hurt first.

I will say a prayer for your friend though. AND REPORT THIS GUY!!!

[Classicblast]

Oh wow.

This is something I am always beside myself when I read of such things. Report this illegitimate child. She must not let him get away with this. And if need be let the courts decide who did what. But report him because if he is a rapist and he gets away with it he will do it again.

I'm terribly concerned her parents are not more supportive. Believe it or not I was not aware of one of Blastgirl's friends having parents with delayed support. We never had such conversation. But I do know she has had some friends who were raped.

This is a little bit hard, but you may have to help her find some professional councilors. Don't try to be the councilor. There's people who are trained to help injured physically and emotionally.

We all think being a close friend we can offer something consoling but that's not the right way to go about it. Have someone trained in that field do it. That's all I can say about that.

As for the possibility of being pregnant, there is a possibility but most likely not. If she is her parents are going to have to become more supportive right away. Or she will have to seek the help of homes for pregnant girls, covenant house is a helpful organization.

Help is out there but it's never easy.

Does this girl get along with her parents? I mean other than what they said hopefully out of shock today?
If they are generally a close family I think that some understanding can be reached. If not then it's important for her to get out of that house. If the home is not supportive that's no place to try to regain emotional stability pregnant or not.

[Jersey]

For one thing, it's completely up to her whether she goes to the police or not. I cannot do that for her, because her father will most likely sue me for invasion of privacy. I'm almost 21 years old, and she is only 17. I can't take any action here because she is a minor, but I have been encouraging her to report this to the police. I've been telling her that it doesn't matter that the physical evidence of the rape is long gone, she still needs to report it. She's still unsure of whether she should or not.

As for her parents, she sent me the text message her father sent her. I'll post it here:

"Newsflash...When you get home there will be no company allowed over..Your internet connection has been disconnected...And you will hand your phone over to your mother..This will remain in effect until you complete the pee test...If you do not hand over the phone I will have the phone company shut it off.. The next step will be to take your computer away..Your choice..But you will take that test..Or I will force you to go to the hospital to have it done..I'm not kidding around anymore..This is serious..Love dad."

So much for a loving, supporting household for a girl who has just been raped. I've never known her family to treat her like this before. I do know now that if she is pregnant, she will be kicked out of her house for good. He will never let her back in. It's been three days since he's known about the rape and he is clearly not coming around to her. He blames her, believing she was screwing around and had unprotected sex. I personally think he's incredibly stupid. Some people should never become parents.

I'm going to tell her to go to the police. She needs help from the authorities. All I can do is advise her on the next step; I can't get any more involved anymore than on the emotional level, because it's clear that her father will never allow someone to take care of his raped daughter.

She'll most likely be taking the test this afternoon. I'll let you guys know the results when I know them.

[Beangirl]

Holy Crap! That is just the worst that can happen to a girl. I don't understand her parents at all. She should call a rape crisis center right now. The numbers are in the phone book or on line. They can offer her all kinds of free help and advice. She needs to be tested for HIV and all STD's and Hepatitis C. Unfortunately it is too late for a rape kit. It is not too late to file a report to the police. This she shoud do. Jersey? Get her to call the rape crisis hotline today. They will be there for her from start to finish.Keep us posted.

[Nitro God]

wow I dont no what to say

[Phil]

beangirl said:

Holy Crap! That is just the worst that can happen to a girl. I don't understand her parents at all. She should call a rape crisis center right now. The numbers are in the phone book or on line. They can offer her all kinds of free help and advice. She needs to be tested for HIV and all STD's and Hepatitis C. Unfortunately it is too late for a rape kit. It is not too late to file a report to the police. This she shoud do. Jersey? Get her to call the rape crisis hotline today. They will be there for her from start to finish.Keep us posted.

That's what my advice would be too.

I don't know what else to suggest.

But families need to be more supportive than her family is being. That is rough. Real rough.

[GetZ]

Ok this seems kind of wierd. The questions I have are: Does the family know the guy who did this? How did she go about describing the event to her parents? Did her parents and her have arguments about her being sexually active before a certain age?

That is to say that there must be some reason for her parents to take something like in the way that they have...

I don't feel like I have the full story.

[Jersey]

Before I get to GetZ, I just want everybody to know that her father forced her to take the pregnancy test and it came out negative. She is very relieved about this, and so am I. Nobody needs a child at that age, especially one from a rape.

getz said:

Ok this seems kind of wierd. The questions I have are: Does the family know the guy who did this? How did she go about describing the event to her parents? Did her parents and her have arguments about her being sexually active before a certain age?

That is to say that there must be some reason for her parents to take something like in the way that they have...

I don't feel like I have the full story.

The answers I know are: Yes, the family knew the rapist. He was her boyfriend for a month. I know that they know him because her idiot father told her to not report his rape and just stay away from him.

As far as how she went about telling them, I honestly don't know. I wasn't there. But she definitely told them she was raped because again, her father told her not to go to the police and to stay away from him.

The answer to the third question is yes, they were always having arguments. The reason for the arguments was because her parents were always accusing her of being a total slut when she was really a very good girl who wasn't sexually active at all. I know this because I went through it myself. I visited her once and while we were hanging out talking and watching tv, her mother burst into the room about three times to make sure she was "on her best behavior."

Her parents are dumbasses, plain and simple. They have always accused her of having unprotected sex, screwing around, doing drugs, all of it. All without any proof or evidence at all. They would just accuse. She's never done any of it. And I think when she came to them for help after the rape, I think it was more of a case of "Oh see, see, I told you she was a slut. Always screwing around, we know you asked for the sex don't give any excuses... blah blah blah."

Now that pregnancy has been ruled out, I'll see if I can get her to go to the police or call a hotline like beangirl said.

[Beangirl]

You are a good friend Jersey. Rape hotlines are strictly confidential. They will not involve her parents. They can get her counseling and testing for disease all in private. Even if she is a minor.

[Blastgirl]

beangirl said:

You are a good friend Jersey. Rape hotlines are strictly confidential. They will not involve her parents. They can get her counseling and testing for disease all in private. Even if she is a minor.

That's great advice Bean. And Jersey, you are a good Friend.

[edlin]

Damn. Her parents are either complete idiots, or enjoy causing pain. If I had parents like that, I'd leave home.

[PoIsOnDaRt]

I'd kill anybody like that.