Messed Up Stuff Your Parents Have Told You...

[Mahnarch]

I'm just getting over Lori getting in the accident, so I'm changing the mood to a more humorous subject.

***

Over the years my parent's have told me many things that I really didn't need to know!! (they've been split up for over 9 years, now and since I'm well over 18 the info flows a lot more steadily....)

Dad: "You don't ever mess with an old man, son. (after seeing a neighborhood fight in our old [bad] town.)
Me (age 14): "Why's that?
Dad: "Because an old man knows how to F*** you, and won't stop until you're dead, or homeless."
Me: "oh...."

Mom: "Oh, You're going out?"
Me (age 16): "Yeah. I'll be back by 10[pm]"
Mom: "Good. Then me and your dad can run around the house naked until then......"
Me: >:-O

Mom: "See that house?"
Me (age 20): "Yeah."
Mom: "That's where you were conceived."
Me:...hmm...

Dad: "You know how you can tell if a woman is in heat?"
Me (age 11): "Huh?"
Dad: "She'll start acting like your mom did when she was younger."
Me: "What's 'heat'?"
Dad: "..........When a girl wants to....kiss you, real bad."
Me: "Oh....like gramma does?"
Dad: "Not quite." (he continues hammering in shingles on the roof.)

Mom: "You like girls, yet?"
Me (age 10): "Uhm, Noooo." (lying - I'd liked girls since about 6 but, didn't understand it.)
Mom: "Well, when they start getting boobies, you will."
Me:....

***

Most of these where just random conversations - no lead up.
I should also note that my parents were 'hippies' and had a "special garden" in their closet. (not anymore, though).
They didn't believe in keeping the world from their kids - hence the 'pull the TV down on himself' and 'does the outlet have power yet?' routine.

I could go on for hours but, I'll pass the torch.

What messed up things have your parents said/done to/around you?

[Phil]

Yeah I remember some similar things. Like you make faces and get told you could stay like that. And adults always knew someone who stayed like that.

If you eat that now you won't be hungry at dinner time. What Bull!
I never knew a kid not to be hungry.

My wife tells Jason just what my parents use to tell me 'That will spoil your appetite.'
Meaning what he will stop at 2nds and not need 3rds at dinner time.

[Kimm]

What about walking to school up hill both ways?

My dad says that sometimes. Its kind of funny though. That and "when I was your age we didnt have (insert item) you have it made. We had to use (name some antiquated way) but we were happy with what we had.


Must not have been or nothing more modern would have ever been invented.

[aido179]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELmtC8TEiTU
tops it all.
vic reeves one was much funnier.
get up 2 hours before we went to sleep!
work 28 hours a day

[Phil]

I think Vic knew my father.

I heard the uphill both ways storys. And the eating cereal with a fork to share the milk, the blizzard stories how it was so much worse then.

Yeah I kind of spare my kids of that. Although my father would not have spotted me 3 bills for a skateboard show like I did for my son. See my bank of dad video if you're not sure what I mean.

Good video for the occasion by the way

[jesusaurus]

Santa Claus is real.

[dannyboy]

Kim you forgot about one of the most signature things for dad to say.

"If I hear another word about this we are all going home. The next person to speak will spoil it for everyone."

We got pretty quite pretty fast when that would happen.

[Mahnarch]

HA! I must be the only kid in history that got 'messed up stuff' told to him.

Also (more tame), my dad would reach around the back of the driver's seat and rest his arm on the backrest of the passenger's seat when me and my sister would be fighting in the back.

The 'Arm' would instantly mean, "Shut UP Or I'm coming back there!" [driving 60mph or not]

He never hit us. [Neither parent ever did - except on birthdays, with a pinch to grow an inch..]
But, the threat alone was good enough to keep us quiet.

***

Over T-day dinner me and my sister also had nostalgia about 'The Stick'.

When we were real young (I was, maybe 4) my dad fashioned a 2x4 into the shape of a standard paddle.

My mom, as a kind of joke, wood burned cartoon effagies of me and my sister with our butts bared and a giant lettering of "The Stick" in the middle.
We lived in an upstairs 'apartment' (read: Grandpa's house) that had support beams at various invertals.
Dad would smack a beam with the stick and me and sis would quit fighting (seemed a common thing back then.......that 'Left Wing Socialist', anyway.......)

Neither of us knows whatever happened to 'The Stick', but we asked each other at the exact same time last thursday.
Then we asked ma - who didn't know.

[dannyboy]

mahnarch said:

The 'Arm' would instantly mean, "Shut UP Or I'm coming back there!" [driving 60mph or not.

Yeah we got shown the hand too. That meant to go back to your side of the car and the show of the hand was enough.

[Demona]

The stick? Lol what'd have been worse if it was made with holes! Like Old Spanky on King of the Hill!

[Classicblast]

There were a few things like that I just need to remember some right now. I think my parents told us the same things everybody else's did here though.

[Mahnarch]

Demona, 'The Stick' was too narrow to have holes. It'd've been too comprimised if it were drilled out.
After all, it was only a 2x4 in a 1ft measure.....hmm, by today's math skills that's 2x4x1 = 6!

The 'Stick' was a 'Six' - which, if you play around enough, makes a rhyme.

***

What if your parents (dad), one day, walked up to to you and said, "You like Nooge?"

When I was 10 I had no idea what the hell a 'Nooge' was.
All I knew was that I liked 'Fred Bear', 'Cat Scratch Fever' and 'Wango Tango' (after I realized what he was talking about.)

***

One day, when I was about 17ish, my dad says, "Are you living here, or what?"
[at this point, I had pretty much moved out of my parents' house and was on my own. I just had 'stuff' over at their place.]
I'm like, "No. I'm at [friends']
He's all, "Then get your stuff out of here. I need your room...."

Seven months later, he's all, "Can I move in with you?" [actually, about a year and a half later]
I'm all, "Sh** B****, if you're going to be living under MY roof.....etc."

Paybacks!!!!
He moved out last April (nine years later)

I grounded his a** several times.......

[Blastgirl]

I'm watching YouTube blogs. Phil, I'm disappointed you didn't use your own example in this topic.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBn7wOw5g9g

That's the ultimate Parent to Kid thing to frustrate the Kids.

[Phil]

Yeah. I didn't really think about that when Mahnarch posted this thread but that old Because I said so for sure works better when you're 36 than it does at pre-teen age.

[Blastgirl]

That doesn't seem fair when you're a kid to be answered "Cause I said so." Or sometimes it was just "Because.!"

[aido179]

I know! my mum frequently says when I question something "because!"
Its so anoying! what else is there....man. parents suck

[Phil]

I've figured that there times I may be the world's greatest dad but not necessarily on chores day. That worlds best dad thing probably goes down the drain about then.

[Classicblast]

phil said:

I've figured that there times I may be the world's greatest dad but not necessarily on chores day. That worlds best dad thing probably goes down the drain about then.

Of course. Greatness only comes during spoiling moments. It doesn't manifest itself during hard labor assignments you know that by now, obviously.