Thinking Out Loud

[grape]

Right now, I don't exactly know what to do. It's a great day, but its so boring. I can't really understand why I am not so entertained. I'm not tired, but I want to sleep. There are a lot things to do, like playing games, chatting and art. I feel stressed over something, but I don't know why. I'm on a long vacation, why should I be nervous? Could it be for the future? Could it be because I'm worried of embarrassing myself?

I want to make an amazing novel. Absolutely fictional, all picked up and inspired by my dreams. I want to be an artist, I can only draw one thing, foxes. I could make a great comic with great comedy. Many say that they wish they were as artistic and the person that shows off his amazing masterpiece to everybody. I never say "I wish", I say "I will someday" then I attempt my best to make a drawing just as good. My creativity is hard to express. I have great times drawing, spending countless hours on a drawing or on a chapter of a book.

I seem to have lost interest in video games. I feel like I have gain a larger interest towards art and music. I don't want to be famous, but I don't want to be average either. I want to be an artistic person that is known well around the world but not completely famous that there is too much chaos.

There are many things that go on in my head. Always daydreaming about anything. The world, fortune, fame, art, or even seeing how life would have been if I was somewhere else, someone else, or something else. There are many things in my mind, a whole world, I want to show everybody what is in this world, but when it comes to that, it feels impossible, as expressing it all is difficult. How can I make it all be seen, perfectly the way I see it?

Why is it that in this world, there is always a good and a bad thing in something. If there is anything amazingly good, there is a small drawback about it. Even the term "perfect" has a drawback. Many say that everything happens for a reason, I believe in that halfway. Why? Because we had a large problem and were forced to move here to the city. It was was very difficult to get used to it, but I fought and I survived, that was when I discovered that there is a complete world and life out here in the city, along with a large amount of competition. I grew up in a town, but I matured in the City.

I feel like I have accomplished something, telling what is on my mind. It's best to say what you think than to keep it a secret. And many people just nod their heads without saying anything. Even if they are against the opinion.

Whats on your mind?

[Phil]

Those are some pretty deep thoughts vix.

I don't really know what to say on a snap on my feet reply but I could get back about those.

your last sentence 'what's on your mind?'

I'm kind of a routine person. I wake up in the early afternoon most days. Get to the computer lewasite and maybe a site or 2 others.

My son comes home from school. About then I pick up my other 2 kids at my parents house and shortly after that my wife gets home. Then we have supper and the little kids go to bed. I watch a little tv. Jason usually stays up til about 10pm just before I head out to work.
I work from 11pm to 7am and get home around 740 or so and get to sleep right away. Right about then my wife is getting the kids up.

Jason is in 5th grade after his bus comes my wife takes the little ones to my parents house or my mother comes here until I get up.

Sometimes I wonder if it's right to be on 3rd shift with 3 little ones. I wonder if I could give them more of my time if I had a 9 to 5 shift.

I'm pretty sure my job is secure. So then I think about how fast time goes. In the wink of an eye my oldest is 10 1/2, and before you know it he will be driving and out of high school.

I wonder if I'm being the kind of father that my kids can be proud of. Is or will my advice going to be right often enough that my kids can assert 'my dad said so so it must be true'

I want to encourage them that you must be responsible. If you say you're going to be there and do this you must be there and do it. If you owe someone a payment pay it on time. Don't be a too dependent on anybody. Be as self sufficient as you can.

Work hard and do a good thorough job when you're working on something. Don't take advantage of anybody and don't let anyone take advantage of you.

If you feel strongly about something be able to assert why you do and don't have a superficial answer but have a solid reason. [granted some people might disagree but at least if your reason is solid you have a leg to stand on.]

And that's the lessons I want to teach my 2 sons and 1 daughter. And do I live up to those standards. I hope I do.

At age 36 I feel that's a pivotal age.

I'm closer to 40 than to 30 now. 36 seems to be the age where you become 'middle aged' instead of youthful. 'Young' seems to cut off at 35. So last june I got off the young bus and onto the middle aged bus.

So I guess I think about those things. I hope my kids will always see me as not just their father but a man they can respect and be proud to call me their father.

[Blastgirl]

First of all, Phil, thirty-six is not old
But I am sure your kids would see you as a Father they can look up to and respect.

Vix is actually at a more pivotal age. At Vix's age there are numerous options and there is much wonder which direction to take your life. And the hopes of all of them working out to bring things to the next phase of the plan.

For Phil, a Thirty-six year old Family man with a steady job a longterm Marriage and three Children I would think mostly things are leveled off and even.