|
|
Post by johnb1 on Mar 9, 2011 22:34:13 GMT -5
Recently, I got called to do a friend a favor, by subbing in playing bass in a community orchestra. we mostly played "Pirates of the Caribbean"and something else-a very vigorous piece, and a good op-poo-r-tunity to drop a little breeze.
"Can't ye smell the gunpower, me hearties?"and all that. Sat in some old lady's chair, read the orchestra news and warmed it up for her. Nobody said anything, which either means they're too polite, or too distracted. I even mananged to get out a careful 'zipper ripper';. I call it that because it sounds like a zipper going up, or down.I even dropped an sbd getting the case back on the bass and back into its closet-accidentally, of course. Well, I'll see how things went, as I'm going back there for one last time(for now). I won't really be pushing my luck hard, but a little bit should be okay (I hope)
My playing kinda stinks, I guess--JB
|
|
|
|
Post by Beangirl on Mar 10, 2011 13:56:57 GMT -5
Recently, I got called to do a friend a favor, by subbing in playing bass in a community orchestra. we mostly played "Pirates of the Caribbean"and something else-a very vigorous piece, and a good op-poo-r-tunity to drop a little breeze. "Can't ye smell the gunpower, me hearties?"and all that. Sat in some old lady's chair, read the orchestra news and warmed it up for her. Nobody said anything, which either means they're too polite, or too distracted. I even mananged to get out a careful 'zipper ripper';. I call it that because it sounds like a zipper going up, or down.I even dropped an sbd getting the case back on the bass and back into its closet-accidentally, of course. Well, I'll see how things went, as I'm going back there for one last time(for now). I won't really be pushing my luck hard, but a little bit should be okay (I hope) My playing kinda stinks, I guess--JB LOL! ;D |
|
|
|
Post by fartinggurl on Mar 12, 2011 17:18:40 GMT -5
Funny story, JB! ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by Demona on Mar 12, 2011 18:38:27 GMT -5
You're playing stinks? I guess so! Think she got a nice fart puff when she sat in her chair after you? I can just imagine her gagging in a green cloud! You should toot along to the songs you play and see how long it takes for people to notice! Or would you gas them all to death?
|
|
|
|
Post by johnb1 on Mar 12, 2011 22:31:35 GMT -5
Woah-Easy there, Demona, it was all meant in fun. No need to bust a blood vessel  I used to do stuff like that before, back when I was drinking tons of beer and eating perogies before going to a rehearsal. It was for a Ukrainian Orchestra, ironically. I used to see how many times I could fart before someone would notice. But I don't do that anymore- I have learned that "With great power comes great responsibility" so I tend to limit my gas, and what I eat before rehearsals. And, no, that lady didn't notice-it was an sbd and it was gone before she could sit down Geeze ! Angry much? JB |
|
|
|
Post by Demona on Mar 13, 2011 11:12:59 GMT -5
Woah-Easy there, Demona, it was all meant in fun. No need to bust a blood vessel I used to do stuff like that before, back when I was drinking tons of beer and eating perogies before going to a rehearsal. It was for a Ukrainian Orchestra, ironically. I used to see how many times I could fart before someone would notice. But I don't do that anymore- I have learned that "With great power comes great responsibility" so I tend to limit my gas, and what I eat before rehearsals. And, no, that lady didn't notice-it was an sbd and it was gone before she could sit down Geeze ! Angry much? JB What? No! The reply was all in humor! Stinks...as in you were passing gas? Get it? ;D Why were you part of a Ukranian orchestra? Are you too? I know perogies are gassy. You want gas eat Fiber One granola bars. You'll rip loud ones for hours! |
|
|
|
Post by johnb1 on Mar 14, 2011 18:30:31 GMT -5
thanks demona. The reason I was in a Ukrainian orchestra was that I volunteered, not knowing what was involved (saturday morning rehearsals, and lots of work, to name two). Much like the time I ate a dozen spicy veggie samosas, it was a decision I lived to regret. I'll try the fiber one bars, but I didn't have gas when I tried 'em, same with the Nature Valley bars. It's probably just me though... and for the record, I'm half-ukrainian. No worries- I knew your reply was in fun.
Peace
JB
|
|
|
|
Post by Demona on Mar 14, 2011 20:20:36 GMT -5
thanks demona. The reason I was in a Ukrainian orchestra was that I volunteered, not knowing what was involved (saturday morning rehearsals, and lots of work, to name two). Much like the time I ate a dozen spicy veggie samosas, it was a decision I lived to regret. I'll try the fiber one bars, but I didn't have gas when I tried 'em, same with the Nature Valley bars. It's probably just me though... and for the record, I'm half-ukrainian. No worries- I knew your reply was in fun. Peace JB I don't know what veggie samosas are, but I know egg rolls/cabbage rolls produce gas. Any kind of Chinese food can do it. I think you need to start bringing a change of undies with you if you eat those kinds of foods before going. |
|
|
|
Post by johnb1 on Mar 16, 2011 21:20:40 GMT -5
I'm with you all the way, Demona. Chinese Food is a garantee for me-of gas--
actually, what I use is an old trick of my own devising-the Skid Saver
basically you get a big wad of TP and jam it all the way up your wazoo, as far
as you can. Not pleasant, I know, but harsh times call for harsh measures. As an added bonus, sometimes it even cuts down on the noise
and as for the samosas, think of them as Indian Ravioli, but fried up. Delisus, but
can be not too kind to your keister..
JB
ps-I'd tell you my story about the Orchestra Bus trip from hell, but another time.....
pps-didn't fart in orchestra
|
|
|
|
Post by Demona on Mar 17, 2011 17:50:57 GMT -5
I'm with you all the way, Demona. Chinese Food is a garantee for me-of gas-- actually, what I use is an old trick of my own devising-the Skid Saver basically you get a big wad of TP and jam it all the way up your wazoo, as far as you can. Not pleasant, I know, but harsh times call for harsh measures. As an added bonus, sometimes it even cuts down on the noise and as for the samosas, think of them as Indian Ravioli, but fried up. Delisus, but can be not too kind to your keister.. JB ps-I'd tell you my story about the Orchestra Bus trip from hell, but another time..... pps-didn't fart in orchestra Wait...you actually stick toilet paper up your...ailementary canal? That's not good. What if it won't come out? I think you mentioned some stories from a bus trip long ago, but re-tell it just incase. |
|
|
|
Post by Phil on Mar 18, 2011 13:43:53 GMT -5
Suddenly I get the image of the Symphony candy bar commercial. *if you remember the ads*
Only the Symphony band is all farting the music.
|
|
Kimm
Moderator 
Posts: 2,993
|
Post by Kimm on Mar 19, 2011 10:46:22 GMT -5
I just machinegunned about BBPPLLAATT...BPLAT. BPLAT....BPLAT....BPLATTT...BPLATTT.... I started giggling, my dad and my sister did too. My mom hears us giggling and comes in and goes "It must be you Kim you must have farted." I go "At least 15 of them."
My dad goes "she blew a hole in her pants." I wonder if I could fart to a tune.
|
|
|
|
Post by johnb1 on Mar 20, 2011 16:17:56 GMT -5
actually Demona, just a little past the ring, just enough to separate both cheeks so that less noise is made. Doesn't do much about the smell. Anyways, onto my story. It started out with me being in this damn Ukrainian orchestra, with its Saturday 4 or 5 hour rehearsals, and Thursdays too. Luckily the orchestra is toast. I should have known what I getting into. We had to go to Calgary or Saskatoon on the bus. I bought a bottle of vodka, which unfortunately, I dropped (butter on hands+plastic bag). I knew I was stuck with these yahoos and all we had to play on the bus was Ukrainian dance videos. What, would it have killed you to bring a decent movie?
Anyways, this goes to show you that revenge can be bad. To eat on the bus, I made some egg and tuna salad sandwiches, on pumpernickel bread, garnished with onion dip (onion soup mix, plus either sour cream or yogurt). I also had black liquorice and double strength mint tea. I was sitting there, eating and farting, when I got up to use the can, and all the gas escaped from the seat cushion. Within about ten minutes all I could hear was cussing and swearing, and the spraying of something to kill the stench. I got a dressing down from one of the tour's co-ordinators, and had to apologize to everyone on the bus. We had to rehearse our butts off, then rest, then play a big musical number at some theater. Afterwards, we ate and partied, then went home on the bus the next morning.
Don't EVER go a long distance on the bus unless you can watch movies and distract yourself. Otherwise it SUCKS ENTIRELY
there's more to the story, but that's all I remember, or care to....
JB
Middle aged fart and proud of it !
|
|
