Post by Mahnarch on Oct 6, 2007 14:33:15 GMT -5
Some of these are quite old but, still hilarious.
Source Unknown:
A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.
A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off! [/i]
Who would think of doing this?
Genius!
***
September 22, 1993--News of the Weird,
Copyright 1993 by Universal Press Syndicate
Richard Ramirez, the notorious ``Night Stalker'' mass murderer, failed a metal detector test at San Francisco County jail, and x-rays detected items in his rectum. A subsequent stool revealed a small handcuff key, an empty syringe, the cap of a pen, and a small piece of cellophane on which was printed ``I like chocolate.''
I can understand the first few, but the cellophane?
It must've been a joke, since the cops had to look through his "chocolates" to find it.
***
March 21, 2001
Sex-Starved Moose Defecates on Car
OSLO (Reuters)--A sex-starved moose in Norway mistook a small, yellow car for a would-be partner, but defecated on it after it got no response.
Leif Borgersen, owner of the Ford Ka model, told the Norwegian regional daily Telemarksavisa Tuesday that he found his car bathed in lick marks, saliva and moose excrement.
Borgersen says the moose left its mark on the front yard of his home in Lardal, about 125 miles southwest of Oslo.
``The front yard was simply transformed into an outdoor toilet,'' he said. ``I'm a bit uncertain whether I should take the risk of letting the car stand alone and defenseless on the front yard from now on.''
There was no damage to the car apart from the sideview mirror that was bent backwards.
Can you imagine coming outstide to go to work in the morning and having a moose popping a squat on your car?
***
Forbes Magazine
Nike has a television commercial for hiking shoes that was shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen.
The camera closes in on the one tribesman who speaks, in native Maa. As he speaks, the Nike slogan ``Just do it'' appears on the screen.
Lee Cronk, an anthropologist at the University of Cincinnati, says the Kenyan is really saying, ``I don't want these. Give me big shoes.'' Says Nike's Elizabeth Dolan, ``We thought nobody in America would know what he said.''
LOL. Try sneaking something past the world, eh?
Like on "My Name is Earl", the mexican maid will occasionally 'cuss someone out' when she's actually saying something nice.
***
Sacrificial Sheep Shoves Man to His Death
ALEXANDRIA, Egypt (Reuters)--An Egyptian sheep destined for sacrificial slaughter forestalled its owner's plans by pushing him to his death from a three-story building, police said Tuesday.
They said Waheeb Hamoudah, 56, who worked in the police tax evasion department, had been feeding the sheep he had tethered on the rooftop when it butted him.
Neighbors found Hamoudah lying bleeding and concussed on the ground below, with several broken bones, Monday. He died soon after reaching hospital.
Hamoudah had been fattening the sheep for the past six weeks and planned to kill it for Eid al-Adha, the Muslim feast of sacrifice, in early March.
Many Egyptian city-dwellers keep livestock on rooftops, balconies or in basements, especially in the run-up to Eid al-Adha.[/i]
Ok, I'm going to overlook the 'livestock on the roof' bit as a difference in culture but, that's got to be the ultimate payback.
***
This one has 'Farts.com' written all over it.
Japan Times, 1993:
``The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of `Pumping','' a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. ``If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood.''
He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been brought into the hospital's emergency department. ``Most Pumpers use a standard bicycle pump,'' he explained, ``sticking the nozzle up their rectum and giving themselves a rush of air. Not only is that a sin against God, but it can be dangerous even for onlookers. Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he sneaked in. Not realising how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube into his body, and placed a 1 baht coin in the slot. Of course, he died instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman though she was watching a twilight firework display and started clapping. We still haven't located all of him.
``Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan,'' he concluded. ``Inflate your tyres by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you.''
***
As does this one:
Unknown Source
Terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a men who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted of beans, cabbage and a couple other things. It was just the right combination of foods.
It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. The ME said, had he been outside or had his windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ``...a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.
This one might be somewhat exaggerated.
If he's as big as they say, he probably had a heart attack while having a 'gas attack'.
I got a good chuckle out of these as well as a bunch of others I found, but some of them are ginourmous articles that would be 3 pages long to reproduce, here.
If you've got time, you can read about the history behind 'The Rocket Car' from the guy who claims to have been the root of that rumor.
Rocket Car
Source Unknown:
A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.
A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off! [/i]
Who would think of doing this?
Genius!
***
September 22, 1993--News of the Weird,
Copyright 1993 by Universal Press Syndicate
Richard Ramirez, the notorious ``Night Stalker'' mass murderer, failed a metal detector test at San Francisco County jail, and x-rays detected items in his rectum. A subsequent stool revealed a small handcuff key, an empty syringe, the cap of a pen, and a small piece of cellophane on which was printed ``I like chocolate.''
I can understand the first few, but the cellophane?
It must've been a joke, since the cops had to look through his "chocolates" to find it.
***
March 21, 2001
Sex-Starved Moose Defecates on Car
OSLO (Reuters)--A sex-starved moose in Norway mistook a small, yellow car for a would-be partner, but defecated on it after it got no response.
Leif Borgersen, owner of the Ford Ka model, told the Norwegian regional daily Telemarksavisa Tuesday that he found his car bathed in lick marks, saliva and moose excrement.
Borgersen says the moose left its mark on the front yard of his home in Lardal, about 125 miles southwest of Oslo.
``The front yard was simply transformed into an outdoor toilet,'' he said. ``I'm a bit uncertain whether I should take the risk of letting the car stand alone and defenseless on the front yard from now on.''
There was no damage to the car apart from the sideview mirror that was bent backwards.
Can you imagine coming outstide to go to work in the morning and having a moose popping a squat on your car?
***
Forbes Magazine
Nike has a television commercial for hiking shoes that was shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen.
The camera closes in on the one tribesman who speaks, in native Maa. As he speaks, the Nike slogan ``Just do it'' appears on the screen.
Lee Cronk, an anthropologist at the University of Cincinnati, says the Kenyan is really saying, ``I don't want these. Give me big shoes.'' Says Nike's Elizabeth Dolan, ``We thought nobody in America would know what he said.''
LOL. Try sneaking something past the world, eh?
Like on "My Name is Earl", the mexican maid will occasionally 'cuss someone out' when she's actually saying something nice.
***
Sacrificial Sheep Shoves Man to His Death
ALEXANDRIA, Egypt (Reuters)--An Egyptian sheep destined for sacrificial slaughter forestalled its owner's plans by pushing him to his death from a three-story building, police said Tuesday.
They said Waheeb Hamoudah, 56, who worked in the police tax evasion department, had been feeding the sheep he had tethered on the rooftop when it butted him.
Neighbors found Hamoudah lying bleeding and concussed on the ground below, with several broken bones, Monday. He died soon after reaching hospital.
Hamoudah had been fattening the sheep for the past six weeks and planned to kill it for Eid al-Adha, the Muslim feast of sacrifice, in early March.
Many Egyptian city-dwellers keep livestock on rooftops, balconies or in basements, especially in the run-up to Eid al-Adha.[/i]
Ok, I'm going to overlook the 'livestock on the roof' bit as a difference in culture but, that's got to be the ultimate payback.
***
This one has 'Farts.com' written all over it.
Japan Times, 1993:
``The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of `Pumping','' a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. ``If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood.''
He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been brought into the hospital's emergency department. ``Most Pumpers use a standard bicycle pump,'' he explained, ``sticking the nozzle up their rectum and giving themselves a rush of air. Not only is that a sin against God, but it can be dangerous even for onlookers. Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he sneaked in. Not realising how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube into his body, and placed a 1 baht coin in the slot. Of course, he died instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman though she was watching a twilight firework display and started clapping. We still haven't located all of him.
``Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan,'' he concluded. ``Inflate your tyres by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you.''
***
As does this one:
Unknown Source
Terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a men who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted of beans, cabbage and a couple other things. It was just the right combination of foods.
It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. The ME said, had he been outside or had his windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ``...a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.
This one might be somewhat exaggerated.
If he's as big as they say, he probably had a heart attack while having a 'gas attack'.
I got a good chuckle out of these as well as a bunch of others I found, but some of them are ginourmous articles that would be 3 pages long to reproduce, here.
If you've got time, you can read about the history behind 'The Rocket Car' from the guy who claims to have been the root of that rumor.
Rocket Car
