The one you could have timed better....

[latenighter]

Here is a simple question, what is the time in your life up to this point in your life that you was the one time you wish you hadn't of farted at that moment. You know the one that even makes you blush to think about and say to yourself "Well I could have timed that one better!"?

With me it has to be one time I was presenting a written statement in court before a judge over a break and enter I had witnessed. I am standing there in my security uniform, trying to look professional, and maintain my cool when it happened.

I am standing there and you know that feeling you get when you KNOW you are going to fart and there is no way in HELL you are going to be able to stop it coming? Well I hoped it was only going to be an sbd. It wasn't.

I am standing there and I was saying "I then heard a noise it sounded like..." Then the fart came.

BllllllllllAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am standing there in the witness box blushing like crazy, all credibility had just gone out the window, and the the court recorder asked "Your honor, how do I spell that?"

That was it, everyone cracked up in the courtroom, even the Judge.

I am even blushing now as I type this lol.

[Phil]

This was about 6 years ago or so.
I was in my driveway changing the sparkplugs on my truck. I was kind of standing on the tire leaning over the fender and I let it go probably a normal kind. Suddenly I was keenly aware someone else was nearby. I glanced behind me and the newspaper girl was on her bike tossing a paper toward my house door.

Ever since then, whenever she delivered paper or collected the payment for the week we always had kind of a chuckled 'hello' but nothing was ever said.

[Beangirl]

Last Night at work. I am a door greeter at Wal Mart. I work the 3rd. shift. For lunch I had a chicken sandwich, grape juice, jello and chocolate chip cookies and carrot sticks. I had a Coke Zero earlier on my break. Well, later that night had really had to fart. I stand next to our theft prevention barrier and it has a cover of a new video ad. that is coming out on DVD.soon. I stood as close to the poster as I could and cut what I though was a SBD. It wasn't! Sounded like a "Tommy Gun". Thank God only I heard it.. I started to laugh . No one knew why? All night long I got the giggles over that

[Blastgirl]

I remember checking into a Hotel and while the girl at the desk was swiping my credit card I thought it was going to be a nothing little poper.
NOT

It was a medium audible BBBPPLLLAAAAATTTT

I kind of giggled and the girl said "Was THAT YOU??
Its like well, there's only two of us here and you know it wasn't you so it must have been me. ;D

[fartinggurl]

I've never told this one. I was 13, and my parents, grandparents, and I had gone to Niagra Falls on vacation. On our last day there, we decided to eat dinner at Planet Hollywood. We had to wait for a table, and there were about 10 other families waiting for a table. As we were waiting, I felt a fart coming, but was trying to hold it in, since to me Planet Hollywood seemed like a fancy restaurant. It came out without a warning, and it was an audible BBBBBBLLLLLLLLAAAAAATTTTTTTTT! The people around us heard it, some of them looking disgusted. I didn't say anything; I was too busy trying not to laugh. We had to stand there for about another 5 minutes afterward until we finally got seated at our table.

[Kimm]

I dont remember too many times I farted accidentally. Usually I hope its loud and stinky and if its quiet I usually tell everybody I farted.

Lets face it farts are funny.

[Beangirl]

I did a "Rotten Egg" one last night at work. I was SO bad I had to laugh and laugh.

[Antonio]

Yea I had a couple of those, and I usually don't care if I do it. But I remember my Sophomore year of High school there was this girl I had a huge crush on I had her in one of my classes. One day after school we were talking about random crap, and I told her so feel my abs and I guess I flexed a little too hard because I accidentally out fart not real loud but enough to hear. She looked at me and laughed hard, I wasn't so much embarrassed by that fact that I farted but I thought I made a bad impression. But it didn't hurt me too bad because she was my date for homecoming and we went out a couple of more times.

[latenighter]

Oct 11, 2008 18:31:00 GMT -5 Antonio said:

But it didn't hurt me too bad because she was my date for homecoming and we went out a couple of more times.

It's great to see a fart bringing people together, usually when I do it they run screaming for the exits lol.

[Kimm]

This happened today. I had a lot of gas but I couldnt let it out. Well I had plans to be with my boyfriend and his family tonight. So we were going to dinner we get out of the car and I just signaled to Adam (my boyfriend) I made this face kind of and he knew what was coming. He goes "Oh geez."
Right then I blew a fart.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I was not expecting 1 that big.

Adams parents dont like farts like we do. His mom goes "at least you did that out here and not inside." His dad actually would have rather laughed but he couldnt go against his wife so he said nothing.

[Mahnarch]

A couple of years ago I had a surprise attack.

I worked at the auto repair place and a lady came in to ask if she could get a tire fixed.
I say, "Sure", and follow her out to her Suburban were she had the tire laying in the hatch.

I grab a hold of it. Tugged, and, PpphhFFFTTT!!!
No warning, what so ever.


I lowered the tire to the ground and excused myself with a, "Oh. Over working myself. There."

She just giggled behind her hand and came back an hour later to pick up her tire.