Post by latenighter on Sept 10, 2008 21:57:53 GMT -5
I am going to share some of my true stories.
The SSF.
I was laying in bed with my GF one night, she was sound asleep and I was wide awake, when I got the urge to fart. Now she is someone that loves to take up 2/3s of the bed so I thought "Revenge!".
I knew that it was going to be loud and proud, because it had been rumbling in my guts for the better part of the evening, but I had no idea about the outcome until after it happened. Well I am a "Big Lad" I weigh just over 240, and so I snuggled up beside her, wrapped my arms and legs over her and sort of pinned her there.
Then it came, I felt it screaming out my tail pipe like a vengeful spirit of miss deads passed, it was loud like a rumble of thunder and the smell would make a maggot gag. It was one of those mind numbing smells that could strip paint off the walls at 100 paces.
Then she started to struggle, and then push and shove, also she made these little gagging/whimpering noises. To make matters worse the first fart's bigger brother decided to visit at that moment. This resulted in kicking, shoving etc, and the noises got worse.
In the end I relented and sort of half rolled and let her up. She shot out of the room like a bullet from a gun and for the next 2 mins I heard her praying to the porcellin god.
She comes back in, and in a fit of wickedness I said in a 3/4 asleep voice "Honey... What's wrong?"
Lets just say the words that came out of her mouth were NOT ladylike lol. Ever since then she refers to that night as "Snuggle Snuggle FROOOMMMPH!"
Prisoner Transport from hell!
I had been out for a night with the boys and one thing led to another and after quite a few brews I woke up in the local lockup with a drunk and disordily charge to face. Well I was loaded into the back of a van with another prisioner and two guards for an hour long trip to court. Well this other prisoner was yelling and carrying on and in the end I had had enough.
"SHUT THE ^%&^ UP!" I yelled at him. "OR I WILL MAKE SURE YOU REGRET IT!"
"Yeah well how little man?" He said to me.
"Like this!" At that precise moment I cut a fart that made teargas smell like roses. It even made my eyes dry burn. The smell hit everyone else two seconds later. They had to stop the van and let us out. Needless to say the guy was as quiet as a mouse the rest of the trip. I even got thanked by one of the cops. lol.
The Late Night Giveaway!
I was laying in bed with my GF on a hot summer's night. I was sort of half asleep, my GF was fully asleep, with the bedside fan blowing across me towards her. I farted a weird sounding, almost a combination of fingernails on a blackboard and wet mud sounding fart. I instantly made out I was asleep because I knew from the way it burnt it was going to be bad.
Next thing I hear is my GF mumbling "Oh f**k," and then 2 seconds later at the top of her voice "OHHHH F*********KKKKKK!!!!!!!" and she starts to fan the sheet.
Well I WAS trying to pretend being asleep but on hearing her I broke down into a fit of laughter and gave myself away. It seems the first time she said it, it was at the noise, the second time was after the smell hit. I got thwacked in the guts for that one, and no "bedroom action" for a month. I have to think it was worth it. LOL.
Catch ya's all later.
The SSF.
I was laying in bed with my GF one night, she was sound asleep and I was wide awake, when I got the urge to fart. Now she is someone that loves to take up 2/3s of the bed so I thought "Revenge!".
I knew that it was going to be loud and proud, because it had been rumbling in my guts for the better part of the evening, but I had no idea about the outcome until after it happened. Well I am a "Big Lad" I weigh just over 240, and so I snuggled up beside her, wrapped my arms and legs over her and sort of pinned her there.
Then it came, I felt it screaming out my tail pipe like a vengeful spirit of miss deads passed, it was loud like a rumble of thunder and the smell would make a maggot gag. It was one of those mind numbing smells that could strip paint off the walls at 100 paces.
Then she started to struggle, and then push and shove, also she made these little gagging/whimpering noises. To make matters worse the first fart's bigger brother decided to visit at that moment. This resulted in kicking, shoving etc, and the noises got worse.
In the end I relented and sort of half rolled and let her up. She shot out of the room like a bullet from a gun and for the next 2 mins I heard her praying to the porcellin god.
She comes back in, and in a fit of wickedness I said in a 3/4 asleep voice "Honey... What's wrong?"
Lets just say the words that came out of her mouth were NOT ladylike lol. Ever since then she refers to that night as "Snuggle Snuggle FROOOMMMPH!"
Prisoner Transport from hell!
I had been out for a night with the boys and one thing led to another and after quite a few brews I woke up in the local lockup with a drunk and disordily charge to face. Well I was loaded into the back of a van with another prisioner and two guards for an hour long trip to court. Well this other prisoner was yelling and carrying on and in the end I had had enough.
"SHUT THE ^%&^ UP!" I yelled at him. "OR I WILL MAKE SURE YOU REGRET IT!"
"Yeah well how little man?" He said to me.
"Like this!" At that precise moment I cut a fart that made teargas smell like roses. It even made my eyes dry burn. The smell hit everyone else two seconds later. They had to stop the van and let us out. Needless to say the guy was as quiet as a mouse the rest of the trip. I even got thanked by one of the cops. lol.
The Late Night Giveaway!
I was laying in bed with my GF on a hot summer's night. I was sort of half asleep, my GF was fully asleep, with the bedside fan blowing across me towards her. I farted a weird sounding, almost a combination of fingernails on a blackboard and wet mud sounding fart. I instantly made out I was asleep because I knew from the way it burnt it was going to be bad.
Next thing I hear is my GF mumbling "Oh f**k," and then 2 seconds later at the top of her voice "OHHHH F*********KKKKKK!!!!!!!" and she starts to fan the sheet.
Well I WAS trying to pretend being asleep but on hearing her I broke down into a fit of laughter and gave myself away. It seems the first time she said it, it was at the noise, the second time was after the smell hit. I got thwacked in the guts for that one, and no "bedroom action" for a month. I have to think it was worth it. LOL.
Catch ya's all later.
