how do people get themselves in these positions?

[Phil]

So this family not too far away from us, they live near by. I haven't allowed Jason to hang out with those kids or at least very limited exposure. From ages 13 or so their parents would let them drink beer at home. Now the;;re between 14 and 18 , They have 3 boys and a girl. And their parents let their girlfriends and boyfriends spend the night. They miss school regularly. The 16 year old was arrested for driving under influence and on only a permit without being accompanied by a licensed driver. There was marijuana in the van and 'nobody knows how it got there'

The kids mother was up in arms to wonder what right they had to search the van

About 2 weeks ago supposedly their 14 year old was at a party drunk. Yeah a drunk 8th grader, and a kid punched him and the rest of them wanted to get their friends and go start a brawl. I don't know what finally happened but this just sickens me. Their old man is about 45 s little older than me and he has lost jobs and cuts down trees for his job. Well that would be ok but he is not a registered business he just works when it suits him.

These kids have a very poor future ahead of them if they keep thinking this is the way.

[Classicblast]

Obviously your kids are older than mine, so we don't have exactly that exposure yet but I know what you mean. The kids won't have a chance if the parents allow them to do wrong things and defend them when they're so obviously wrong.

If there's no consequences they will continue to do things the way they are.

I know times change but it shouldn't be like this. Their parents either don't want to do the job of parenting, or they think they're making friends with their kids and possibly their friends by letting them do those things but they're really hurting them and quite badly.

[Alan]

I lost a good friend that way a little over 5 years ago.

Jerry was his name. he was into bad things even when we were in 7th or 8th grade. I didn't do what he did but we were friends from playing hockey, bowling and just being out and around. This guy drank to access and sometimes used painkillers as a narcotic.

And his parents knew he was doing those things but probably didn't know how much or how bad.

After high school that he barely skid through he tried community college but had no real self discipline, so it didn't last.

He had jobs that were short lived for the same reason. He would get a paycheck and then could afford his habits. Most of his jobs lasted 6 weeks to 3 months.

Each time he would attempt to dry out and clean up his act. But it never lasted.

I think he briefly stayed at Phil's but the Katherine factor wasn't going to have that for very long.

Well in 2008 he was admitted into a center. He was there about three weeks or more. He was released and at his parents house for the time and on a Tuesday when we bowl. He was not on our team by then since he had become unreliable we had replaced him. You lose your friends that way too not just your job.

His parents were keeping a watchful on him. Even though he was 27 he had gotten in enough legal trouble and personal trouble they were actually treating him like a delinquent teenager. And he went along because he knew in the full reality of it they did mean to help him. So he was at their place.

Well his parents often go to bed early. He took his mother's car and came to where we bowl and joined in the bar afterwards. Yeah. I don't know if he drank or not when he was with us. Seems to me he didn't but right after that he died at home from an overdose.

Its not that others didn't try. I wish I could say he tried too but I don't think I can say that. If you want to fix it you don't fall of the wagon as easy as he always did.

[Phil]

Jerry went wrong on his own though his parents were not bad parents. They didn't let him drink at home when he was a kid like these people do.

Jerry chose not to fix his life. I tried to help him but like Alan said my wife didn't want him around and I didn't either as we had Jason and the ways of Jerry were not something a 5 year old needed to see.

Those kids may be heading down a similar path though.

[Phil]

I just don't see these kids having much of a chance at developing in good ways. they think its funny to get in trouble at school or with the law. They think its cool to get away with things or if they get caught doing something but not all of what they were up to gets noticed they feel they got over on someone. Skipping school and not being caught, more likely just not being confronted, most likely the authorities knew.

Their parents pay little attention to the trouble and when they're suspended from school the parents figure well, they will just be home for a few days.

Believe me, if mine goy suspended from school, they would wish they were in school! I'm sure they know that too.

[Classicblast]

I think its a case here where the parents are just the bio parents and don't really want the responsibility of the job of being a parent.

Obviously they would argue that they feed the kids and provide a place to live but that's a half reality. They let them do what they want because its less work than enforcing rules and they think their kids find them hip and modern because they're allowed to do things other kids aren't.

Like Phil said though if responsibility isn't learned now it will never be.

My guess is they are behind grades, take remedial classes or are in one of those programs where the work is watered down and they're quietly moved on when they haven't really learned much. But that's probably a question for Jason or someone who goes to school with them.

[Kimm]

Parenting gets worse all the time. The total detached approach is a big problem. Parents want to leave their kids one place or another for the night or for the weekend and barely want to raise them at all. And theress an awful lot of that today.

[Phil]

Parenting is worse and kids responsibility is somewhere else.

There's young guys at work they can't afford lunch half the time borrowing 10 or 20 bucks from others to put gas in their car to get to work. Broke the day before payday or even a day after actually. They somehow find a way to go to games and concerts though and they're far behind on bills and walk around totally broke. I don't get it.

[Classicblast]

I think too many people perhaps even most charge full speed ahead. They think about what is most beneficial to themselves at this moment and not considering what chain reaction it could have going forward.

[Phil]

Another event happened. Jason and his friends went somewhere Friday and the kid his age was there. Jason's group was not with that kid *at least that's what they tell me* and they better not have been in case anybody reads this post* If they did not tell their father the truth. I will presume they did for now

Anyway this neighbor hid was described to another kid to a worker of the place that he had alcohol. According to what I'm told he did. And they called his parents in lieu of the police. That was a break in my opinion. His father shows up and wants to tear the face off of the worker who looked in the kid's bag and coat pocket to find the bottles of alcohol.

It reached a point where the owner had to come out on behalf of his employee who was only about 19 or 20. The kid's father wouldn't stop so the owner called the police. The kids father shouted his address several times in case anyone wants to come over and fight him.

The police took the side of the owner and the worker and that made the father even more enraged.

so I guess the kid is not welcome there any longer as that should be the case. From my viewpoint the owner and worker did the right thing and I have no problem letting my kids continue to go there, And I think Jason is seeing more how I feel about this family and they're not as 'cool' as he might have thought before. .

[Classicblast]

The guy went to the place where his kid brought alcohol when he was not only underaged, but where alcohol was not allowed in any case and when he got caught, his father wanted to fight the worker who busted the kid?

That guy is a piece of work. Obviously that family has a lot of problems.

[Kimm]

Its terrible how we have gotten. Parents dont care enough to make the kids accountable for what they do. They dont want the kid to be an interruption to their own life. They think that providing a place to live and food to eat and things to wear they are fulfilling their obligations as parents and thats not true.

Its constant attention and constant care. Although I am 33 I am still not ready to be a mom.

I see what my sister (Blastgirl) does as a mom and she has two really good boys I cant imagine if they were trouble making kids. But maybe the early attention they have been given is why theyre good kids.

I know theres times kids end up bad even though parents do care and do their job but when they dont its like the kid has no chance of ending up right.

Schools deal with this a lot. If a kids grades are bad its in the teaching and the school system. There were other kids in the class and their kid got blamed for what happened. Its never the kids fault. Our principal got disciplinary letters from the school board when he told parents at a meeting that most of the kids developments start at home. The school system teaches and helps with some development but most self discipline and responsibility is taught at home. He was right by the way.

And the parents complained to the school board so pressure from above came upon the principal who hasnt taken bold stances lately.

[Classicblast]

Now that my kids are a bit older and I therefore able to participate in more activities I see that quite a few parents are on the lax side and not real aware of where their kids are or what they're up to.

My son John is 7 he was invited to a birthday party at a Chuck E Cheese. Its a nice place to have kids parties they eat pizza play games and that's about it. I think it was a two hour party. Well it was time to pick the kids up. I got there and my son asks me if we can bring his friends home

I said we could but we should call their parents and make sure they're not on the way. There was no reaching them and after a long wait we gave them a ride home it wasn't too far out of the way but there wasn't anybody home when we got there finally after a little while they reached a parent so we waited in the driveway til their mother got home I was not going to leave a 7 and 8 year old alone even at their own home. I had already decided that if their mother didn't reply when she did we were going to take everyone to our house and she could pick those two up here.

[angel607]

when I was in 8th grade I was playing with barbies and doing my school work. I wonder if the parents realize they could be arrested for letting their kids drink. not only that but they could end up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning. you need to be their parents and discipline them not be their friend and let them do whatever they want.

[Phil]

I think they realize that but figure it wont happen. Or they figure they're above the law they're that kind of arrogant or ignorant those people are3 both,

[Classicblast]

There's people who think they're going to outsmart the rules or the ways of things.

They all think they're going to fined a way around how things are supposed to be done. And everybody else went about it the wrong way but they have it figured out.

[Phil]

Credit cards and loans are to be paid back not squandered and forgotten. A paycheck for those of the mentioned who receive 1 is for living expenses not to get drunk on and have nothing to get through the rest of the week with.