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Post by DragonLady on Nov 13, 2013 20:59:05 GMT -5
Monday night I went to a Chinese buffet. I'd been constipated the night before and couldn't accomplish much in the way of BM's. The food at the buffet wasn't extra greasy or anything, but as I sat down with my plate after a couple trips, I immediately got up and made a beeline for the ladies room! No sooner had I sat down it was coming out of me like lava! Unfortunately halfway through I had an unwelcome guest sit down right next door. The only thing worse than having diarrhea is trying to have it quietly! After the ordeal in the bathroom was done, and I returned to the table, my dad knew exactly what was going on and was discussing it within earshot of other eaters, and how it was a wonder I'd made it in time. Thankfully I had as I was wearing brand new pants that night. Sadly I wasn't all through because after being home I had to make another run to the throne and change into pajama bottoms just incase to not risk it with my new pants! No accidents happend I'm happy to say.
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Kimm
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Post by Kimm on Nov 14, 2013 20:53:50 GMT -5
Oh yes Chinese does that to me too. And no matter how many times you wipe your butt theres still more streaks.
I just did a #2 that I was longing to do I had a meeting tonight and just couldnt go and by the time I got home Im like "hi, and Ill be upstairs for a while I have to take a dump." My mom goes "thanks for sharing that." Im like "no problem anything else you want to know." But I couldnt wait for the answer.
This wasnt a diarrhea type of emergency it was more like holding it too long tummy strained butt cheeks holding back a torpedo type of thing. Hoping the turtle head doesnt brush its hair with your underwear. Every step upstairs is risking that, and my tummy is hurting like its being stabbed with a dagger. Once I lowered my pants and that cool porcelain seat assures my butt cheeks its on to launch the torpedo its like the worlds burdens have left me.
It takes about 15 minutes to get that out and I blew at least three monsterous bowl farts. But my tummy feels like a million dollars, and it was four or five strokes. Sometimes Chinese like in Dragon Ladys story it takes fifteen strokes and youre still not sure you got it all.
Then I lurk at facebook and my dad posts "Where the hell have you been?" ;D So I told him.
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Post by DragonLady on Nov 15, 2013 19:01:02 GMT -5
If it took fifteen minutes you must not have been in danger of crapping your pants! Or just fifteen minutes to get all of it out? Was it a monster? Did it flush?
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Kimm
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Post by Kimm on Nov 16, 2013 10:41:13 GMT -5
Different kind of it. It wasnt like the squirts where major danger of crapping my pants was clear and present, but it was the kind that stabs the tummy and the butt hole muscles have to pinch really tight to prevent a turtle head from brushing its hair on your undies. ;D
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Post by johnb1 on Dec 3, 2013 23:36:26 GMT -5
I hear you on that one, Kimm. I call it "playing colonic catch-up" or "The Great Race" , which is one you don't want to lose. trust me, there is no prize for coming in 2nd, or participating. Usually after a pot of coffee and a few bran muffins, or, as you said, Chinese food. You were just making up for lost time. One thing we all know: When Mr. (or Mrs.) Turtle wants out, it wants out NOW, Right now, and it doesn't care what you think, or what you're doing  Just gotta go with the flow. Thankfully it wasn't super spicy. that's another story for another time  |
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Kimm
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Post by Kimm on Dec 4, 2013 17:16:22 GMT -5
Today was a day I had to get in the house fast and drop deuce right away.
They say that happiness comes from inside so thats why I felt so much better after I took a dump. ;D
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