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Post by DragonLady on Jun 11, 2013 14:40:20 GMT -5
Last night at work I was stacking for a guy out in the back room, and I had a gas attack. I don't know how because all I ate was chicken soup and a Taco Bell burrito...but that was hours ago!
Anyway, he comes over to fix something because it was nothing but problems, and I steam one off. Where he was at he didn't know, but then he moved and it hit him!
He stood there staring at me before saying, "Did you sh*t your pants?!" all I could do was laugh and he was all, "HOLY CRAP!"
So it was back to normal until he had to come over again because we were down. I blew a few more SBD's and I'm like, "That was stinking!" and he's all like, "Do you need to take a sh*t? Go check your pants!" and pretends to hold his breath as he walks past me.
Later on I really do have to go to the bathroom, but not #2, and he says, "It's about time!"
I finally did take a sh*t when I got up today. All those farts must have gone through it instead of around it!
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Kimm
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Post by Kimm on Jun 11, 2013 21:06:23 GMT -5
;D I know that feeling when it just stinks and its such a pleasure to be the source of others suffering.
I was going #2 about an hour ago I go "do not go in that upstairs bathroom"
My dad goes "did you take a sh!t already?" I go "Yep" My mom goes "Gee whzz do you have to advertise it?" I go "I dont have to but I prefer as many people as possible to know that I took a dump."
A few minutes ago I farted, and my mom goes "after all that sh!tting you still have gas coming out of your ass! Youre like the endless fountain of farts"
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Post by Blastgirl on Jun 13, 2013 2:29:37 GMT -5
A few minutes ago I farted, and my mom goes "after all that sh!tting you still have gas coming out of your ass! Youre like the endless fountain of farts" You're lucky, Mom never said nice things like that to me and I always blew my share of farts. |
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Kimm
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Posts: 2,993
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Post by Kimm on Jun 13, 2013 18:35:44 GMT -5
Im just there more thats all.
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Post by johnb1 on Jun 14, 2013 11:26:22 GMT -5
I used to get that from my mom a fair bit. I'd blow off and she'd ask me "Are you sure you wiped, have you changed your drawers? " Uh, yeah. Geeze ladies, I think you have Energizer Butts, they keep goin' and goin' and goin'. Taco bell? yah, that might be askin' for trouble. You know their slogan, right? Live Gas, oh, sorry, that's Live Más.
as for leaving a radioactive cloud in the bathroom, well, at least you were considerate enough to let someone know ahead of time so they can put on their gas mask, or at least a clothespin
I had to learn that lesson the hard way after my dad dropped a deuce. Gotta give it a little time... friend of mine said "don't go in the bathroom right away after XX has been in there"
I asked why. I found out. My eyes were burning. Luckily I live alone so I can be free.
Keep 'em coming, folks
JB
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Post by Beangirl on Jun 15, 2013 14:19:44 GMT -5
Kimm's Mom's favorite weapon against fart's . a can of Whoop Ass! LOL! ;D I mean Glade.  Attachments:
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Post by Blastgirl on Jun 16, 2013 1:04:35 GMT -5
The Glade isn't much of a match for Kimm. But we can't blame Mom for trying.
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Post by johnb1 on Jun 16, 2013 16:52:33 GMT -5
yup. reminds me of the old joke: an Avon Lady got on the elevator after eating at the Chinese Lunch buffet, leaned over and broke wind. Naturally, it stunk, so she got out a can of whatever and sprayed it around to kill the stink. The next floor up, the janitor got on, and he looked puzzled. He started sniffing the air... the Avon Lady, seeing this, asked him what the problem was. He said "Damn if I know, lady, but it smells like someone took a $hit on a rosebush"
Actually, I've found the best remedy for that is to light a match or use a lighter, wave it around. then the fan. I don't know why it works, just that it does
JB
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Post by Beangirl on Jun 17, 2013 18:11:48 GMT -5
Ha! I have actually heard my exhaust fan scream, after one of my dumps. ;D ;D ;D
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Kimm
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Posts: 2,993
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Post by Kimm on Jun 19, 2013 21:34:59 GMT -5
I farted pretty hard a few minutes ago my dad goes "if you push too hard youre going to muddy your skivvies." ;D
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Post by DragonLady on Jun 20, 2013 19:49:47 GMT -5
I farted pretty hard a few minutes ago my dad goes "if you push too hard youre going to muddy your skivvies." ;D Ive been told at several times! That and how I'm going to take the finish off the wooden dining room chairs! |
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Post by Beangirl on Jun 21, 2013 8:43:06 GMT -5
I ate two orders of onion rings for dinner last night. I am self propelled right now!  |
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Kimm
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Posts: 2,993
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Post by Kimm on Jun 21, 2013 22:17:48 GMT -5
I ate two orders of onion rings for dinner last night. I am self propelled right now! Onions are a sure thing. I had onion rings tonight at a baseball game. And well I let one rip BBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAATTTTTT And a few people looked over I started laughing hysterically my dad chuckles a bit and the others near us are like "O M G...." But our team won so the conversation with me and my dad on the ride home was "the sweet smell of victory." ;D |
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Post by Classicblast on Jun 22, 2013 0:23:23 GMT -5
Oh My goodness! That team had some good years when I played for them. Who knew your fried onions were all that needed to happen for the Lookouts to win ball games?
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Kimm
Moderator
Posts: 2,993
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Post by Kimm on Jun 22, 2013 15:21:28 GMT -5
Now you know
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Post by DragonLady on Jun 22, 2013 22:18:40 GMT -5
I've heard of good luck rituals so teams win. Kimm rips good luck farts!
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Kimm
Moderator
Posts: 2,993
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Post by Kimm on Jul 3, 2013 21:19:49 GMT -5
I've heard of good luck rituals so teams win. Kimm rips good luck farts! Yeah flatulence wins. ;D I had some pork and lentil yesterday my aunt Barb, my cousin Jenn and I have all been nice and gassy. Jenn farted and my aunt Barb goes "were going to be doing a lot of that. And you and I ware going to be racing to the toilet. Whoever wins will take the browns to the superbowl and the runner up will crap their pants." I got finished with a #2 a little bit ago my dad goes "I hope you wiped good or your next cosmic fart is going to be a skidder." |
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