Stress and suicide.

[Phil]

Today I read about a boy Jason's age 14 and started his freshman year of high school committed suicide a few days ago. There was some mention of his possible orientation that the kid's mother says even the kid had some thoughts about. I guess he was bullied regularly and sadly mistreated.

I have a good memory and I do remember my freshman year. Yes its a rough time. You get picked on in part for just being a freshman. Because you're not big enough to stop some of the bullied types.

I am sure that every teenager in the world has contemplated suicide. Not that the thought will be acted upon but I am sure all teens think at moments the only way out is death. But you get through it and looking back you snub the stress.

That's a lot easier for a 40 year old man to say that about a time-frame that is more than 25 years ago.

What happens though is the longer your peers live without you the longer your existence just fades into obscurity.

I remember when I was a freshman a junior who was on the football team went into the woods and shot himself. The school had a memorial assembly a few days after his funeral.

Then his class graduated a year and a half later *end of my sophomore year* there's a 'Send off the Seniors' salutation ceremony about a week before they graduate. His name got mentioned how its a shame he isn't part of this. But he has mostly been forgotten by then.

Now, his picture remains in glass showcase in the school lobby an action picture of him running with a football and his year book close up next to it with his name and that *not how* he died in November of 1985. (1969-1985). I happened to see that when I brought Jason for High school freshmen orientation.

That's 26 years of life he has already cheated himself out of. And he'd only be 42 now. In whole he cheated himself out of about 60 years.

That showcase hangs onto an obscure wink of an eye of this kids life.

Life really is a wink of an eye. My dad died this year at age 77. Ok he was no spring chicken but even then we have a grave stone that says August 5, 1933 to January 16, 2011. That 77 years and 5 months fits on a 6 inch inscription.

I just can't imagine that boy's misery being so bad that he couldn't stick it out. I read that article about the boy who committed suicide a few days ago and decided to tell Jason about the boy who is in the showcase. I asked Jason to either before school or after read the short write up on 'Kevin Reynolds.' And realize that I knew him and was Jason's age when he died.

[Beangirl]

Teen years can really suck.If it was because of his "orientation" I kind of get it. I always knew I was gay even in high school but only my closest friends knew. It would have totally freaked me out if I was outed. But then it was different in the 70's. I never thought once of taking my life. Things got hairy what with my mom being so sick. The kids teasing me about my weight and acne hurt worse.I have always believed my life belongs to the Lord. I grieve for those poor young soul's who think the world would have been better without them. They just don't know.

[angel607]

i know I tried to take my life but failed. depression feels like a time bomb ticking away in your head. the sadness and crying hits you hard everyday. I was not allowed to sing at walt disney world with my chorus trip because of my attempts and the school said I was to much of a risk. but also when it comes to depression you really need to be careful of the medication. that's what made me get worse. I laughed on prozac for no reason but after that I became violent and got into cutting. when I was on resperdurial and made me tired and lose interest in life. when I told my kidspeace social worker's I needed to be taken off the medication they wouldn't listen to me. I overdosed on pills and came 1 hour from dying on my bed. I went to the emergency room and had to drink that horrible brown stuff that tasted like mud. I spent 1 year in a place called deverux in philly and 4 months in kidspeace. kidspeace was pretty much the worst place I have ever seen to get help alond with the social workers after treatment. I was told I would spend the rest of my life in hospitals and they would always bring me down. once in a meeting I had enough of them and said I can't do this anymore. I did get my life together after being taken off the medication and getting rid of the social workers.

however I understand about if someone is made fun of their orientation. personally I love them because I feel most straight people are judgemental where as people who are not straight arent. they are fun to be around and will support you no matter what. if you remember what happened to tyler who jumped off a bridge because people outed him by filming him and another guy online. I think the people who did it should of been charged with a hate crime but didn't. it's sad when someone so young just can't go on anymore. depression tears at your soul but things will get better if your willing to admit you need help.

[Classicblast]

I can weigh in on this. I have known people to take their life when the've been released from teams or not drafted in the baseball entry draft. It is a devastating blow when you've trained to reach a plateau only to be told in one way or another that you're not good enough.

I was not selected to the majors when I put myself up for the draft. I figured at least I'd get drafted and sent to a minor league team and come up through the ranks. No such luck.

I was ready to hang it up. My two brothers convinced me to go to as many tryouts as possible until a minor league team signs me as a free agent. It took some doing but it finally happened.

There's nothing more terrible than young life ended the way that kid Phil is speaking of ended his. I've seen that over disappointed in love too. Those things pass.

[angel607]

classicblast you posted a good point about young love. I have read stories where people have attacked or killed the person that cheated. some people are so in love they can't see straight and sometimes it does come to an end. you have to stay focused and keep your mind off the broken relationship. I turned to writing poetry and that's when I realized how much I loved it and enjoyed writing deep poetry. I know suicide can be triggered by anything but you only get one life and you need to live it. enjoy time with your friends and family and cherish the moments you have together. never take someone for granted because when you do they may not be there in the end. it's better to get help then have your friends grieve for you.

[Classicblast]

I think too most of the time the person thinks about how its going to get them out of their own problems without realizing the anguish its going to put their family and others through.

[Jason O'Lewa]

i know the showcase my dad mentions. I cant see destroying yourself but some people have a harder time dealing with stress. others have harder problems that cause more stress then they need and it ends up going a miserable time

its sad that some people feel they need to end it rather than see it through
even the worst of things have an end time even the worst presidents can only have the job 4 years and 8 at the most.

[eric2003]

i coud never kil myself I couldnt even stick myself with a pin for a blod sample in sience class
5 kids all were suposed to poke their finger and put the blood on a slide
i could not do it so the teach had to do it for me
i cant even pictur shooting myelsf

[Classicblast]

I think it the important thing is to remember how short lived problems are and find the strength to ride it out. And don't hesitate to seek help doing so. Being alone or believing to be alone is sometimes what causes people to give up.

[Demona]

It's especially sad when it's a kid who does this. Things change after graduation. However, people who are that upset with life aren't thinking straight. These days the bullies seem nastier, encouraging other kids to do themselves and laughing when they do. What kind of f*cked up individuals are they and what kind of zoo were they raised in? I've known people in my life who struggled with mental illness too, and that's a whole different level of problems. They can't see that people care about them because it has such a grip on them. Not everyone can fight it and beat it. That's why I can't bring myself to call people who give up cowardly because you don't know what you're saying until you've either been there or known how bad someone had it. Still, people who threaten it for attention seeking purposes don't endear themselves to me, but that's another matter. I think the serious ones are the kind who show signs that aren't so obvious.

[Jersey]

Suicide in any instance is never the answer to any problem. The only suicides I ever consider positives is when murderers or child molestors take their own lives, leaving one less scumbag to rot away in prison on taxpayer dollars. Don't want to face the music for what you did? Fine by me. Burning in the eighth layer of Hell takes care of the punishment.

As for the rest of those considering suicide, a stone cold dose of reality is often best. For one, nothing is ever that bad. A person could lose everything they have and everyone they love, but it is never impossible to better yourself or dig your way out of the hole you're in. Nothing is impossible, and more than ever before there is help out there. I remember back in high school about eight years ago, there was a rash of (I think) three suicides in a two week period. All were girls who had formed a "suicide pact" a collective sharing of misery that culminated in the ultimate grab for attention and a horrifying effort to make a point.

They sure did. It practically shut down the school for the three weeks it was going on, but even back then I recognized it as an attention grabbing effort on the part of the girls. Their families were destroyed. Friends and acquaintances cried and sobbed in the hallways for those weeks. I didn't know them personally, and didn't know what their issues may have been, but it was clear enough what their actions did to their families and friends. To commit suicide is to condemn friends and families to a lifetime of suffering. Suffering because they will never be able to answer the question "why?".

An example of attention suicide was put on display on 60 minutes a few days ago, when the wife of Bernie Madoff went on to talk about how she and Bernie attempted to commit suicide by ingesting a bunch of pills. This was done because it was clear they would be losing everything.

Personally, I believe she's making it up. People like that are too proud to commit suicide, and would be more preoccupied with finding ways to escape facing the music. And if she isn't making it up? Well, boo hoo for her and sad Bernie. She's now using it to garner sympathy, and I doubt rational people are giving it to her.

Those that contemplate suicide but decide against it and pull out of the hole and move on? Good for them; they made the right decision. And for those that contemplate it for attention and either succeed or fail? Shame on them. In the end they only punish their families and friends.

[angel607]

i agree with you both demona and jersey. it's hard to fight depression because sometimes the medication like prozac ends up doing more damage. it made me violent towards myself so I ended up doing something to get through the pain. depression can be really hard to fight because it's this never ending sadness you deal with day in and day out. im glad I got out of it but other people were not so lucky. I was living in philly for a year fighting it and getting help before hospitals were not working. I seen alot of scary stuff and so many people fighting deeper problems that I didn't think I could ever make it through. some kids should never have to face those demons. when I got out I knew what I want. I wanted off the medication and to not have to deal with my kidspeace social workers tearing me down saying they see me being locked up in hospitals all my life. they were horrible. I got better even though a few years ago I had lots of bad stuff happen to me. I didn't think I could take anymore. but I am much better today and glad I pulled through. as jersey said there is help out there and it's better to get help then to be 6 feet under. if you have a problem with how the person helping you is treating you you need to speak up. always pay attention to the medication you are given because some anti-depressents can actually make you attempt suicide and make you worse. as for the madoffs the guy bernie stole people's money from what I herd and took everything from they so they could enjoy a rich lifestyle. I think their lie of attempting a suicide attempt was to get people to feel sorry for them and that's not right. boo who you have to give up your mansion. well the people they stole from lost everything so I feel more sorry for them.

[Beangirl]

Good for you Angel. You have done so well with this crippling disease. I suffered from it for over 35 years. Meds, hospitalizations, Self medicating with alcohol and drugs. I finally found the best therapist ever and we unlocked my demons and that along with SSRI's changed my life for the better. Depression is treatable. Suicide is preventable. If we just listen to our kids we can help them .

[angel607]

thank you beangirl. that's a long time with depression I am glad you made it through okay and got help. I had it at 13 then it got worse when I was 15. I was hospitalized at 16-through 18 years old. I lived for a year at a place called devereux in philly. that's where they helped much better and more intensely. depression for me I could only explain as a bomb that goes off in your head. bouts of crying through the day and sleeping to numb the pain and not dealing with life. cutting because you can't take the sadness and it's the only way to ease the pain. many people are not that lucky to fight it or don't know how to ask for help. im glad you found a great therapist. there are some I found to be horrible.

[Phil]

It's extra reassuring to know help is out there too. And you're right there's a ton of not so good therapists and finding 1 who is can be difficult. That's probably true of all medical people. There's those who just go through the motions and find an area they understand and can't do much outside those parameters.

There's a dentist in the city who if you need a filling, fine but not your best option for a root canal.

There's a barber that is fine for straight hair or for anybody who wants a brush cut, but hair like mine that curls this guy's not very good. It ends up sticking up like a porcupine.

The same can be said for therapists.

[Beangirl]

I went through dozens of therapists. I did far better with women than with male therapists. Dr Pollard who changed my life was so good. She is a clinical Psychologist . We worked together and it was not fun or easy. It was work. We got so good together we would argue like a married couple. The cure is not "Magic". Taking what is inside of us and bringing out into the open and really wanting to fix it works. She and I together set me free.

[angel607]

phil your right about that. I once had a dentist when I was living in philly tell me I had 2 cavities. so I had that taken care of then. when I went back I was told I had 4 more cavities. well thank god I was discharged from deveroux. I went to allentown pa to the dentist and told them I had 4 cavities. they said who told you that? your teeth are perfectly fine. so the dentist in philly was only there to take money. I was really mad after the pain I went through for no stinking reason. it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion if you don't trust the person. and beangirl I learned the same thing with therapists so it's great you found one who will help you. I had to learn there comes a time when you know what works and what does not and sometimes you need to put your foot down and say this is not working.

[fartinggurl]

I know this topic is a couple months old, but I had to weigh in here. Three years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. We had gone to high school together for one year (he was a freshman when I was a senior), and we had two classes together. He would become depressed when relationships would not work out, and his parents were divorced and there were some family problems, and he sometimes drank as a way to deal with problems.

Two years before he died he attempted suicide over a failed relationship, and ended up in the hospital for a couple days, and was fine for a while after that. Then one night a year before he died, I was at a friends house, and he called us, drunk, telling us that his girfriend broke up with him and wanted to end his life. Since he had tried once before, we rushed over to his house, and we brought him back with us to her house to keep an eye on him. That was the last time I saw him.

A year later he ran away from home, but his parents did not report him missing, since he had run away from home before and always came back. For a while his friends and family had hope he was just missing, but about 4 months later he was found dead in an abandoned building, where he had hung himself. He was 18. He would be 21 if he was still alive.